A Journey of a mind.

This is the story of an ordinary man who has extraordinary feelings. Well there are many love stories of many types. But this story is different. A strong inner feeling of a boy who converts into a man in search of love.

I belong to an ordinary family and I don’t have a mom. My dad got lost once my mom died and was always in search of peace for his mind. The only way he finds his peace is in drinks. So most part of life I spent in church hostel. My hostel was my only world. And church school was my education, sport, entertainment and everything. In my church school discipline and missionary was the only subjects. They always inject religion in my blood. But I was always the other way I had lot of wealthy friends. Which gave me chance to learn many things which we should not do in school days. My dad was a brave man he always live for dignity. So he will say “die for dignity instead living like a coward”. So he thought me to fight right from I was three years old. Fear was the word which feared very much with me. I will do anything which gives me pleasure and follow my own principle even if the entire world stands against it.

So what’s special in my life, Well I am supposed to be the hero of this story so their should be something special to read this story.

Although I was denied of a family I was well taken care by the church under their orphanage. They taught me how to lead a life alone and the church school gave me education to survive in this world. The only thing I was not gifted with was love in my life so I started loving who ever takes care of me and be good to me. So whats great in that, what did it do to my life lets find it out in the rest of the story.

My first love was in my school. Her name is Anita wow what a girl was she, a keralite whose family got settled here locally as her dad works in defense factory in my town. Why do I love her! Its simple she brings me extra food everyday ….. For a person who has had hostel food for most part of his life that was a heaven. When ever I she her my heart sizzles, every time she speaks to me I forget this world. Most importantly I loved her lunch box then her. Anita filled one gap in my life I never had food from my mom’s hand so I imagined my mom in Anita. I never proposed her or never spoke to her about my love towards her as I feared that whether I will loose that affection from her. We where together for two years till our higher secondary exams after which I have to move to city to do my higher studies. My church sponsored me to complete my higher studies and I moved to a bigger city called Chennai. It was a metro filled with full of energy in everything.

Well its time for my second love who is she. I saw her for the first time near bell tower. White colored dress, curly her and a heavenly smile. It was my lucky day as she was in the same class where we used to have English classes. The next ten days I was searching way to speak to her and the day came. She left her text book in her table and went to her major class.” Suganya” written in bold color in her text book and that book was my only post card to speak to her. I took the book to her and said “you forgot the book in the table and I forgot to think about me after seeing you”. Their was no reaction in her face still I was confident that she will like me sooner or later and it happened very soon when I got the message form her friends that she wants to speak to me. The first time I bunked a class in my life. Our relation grew stronger and I was completely stationed in her heart. She started loving me more than I was interested in her. Why do I love her! Its simple she always takes care of me. She transformed me from an ordinary boy to a well cultured boy. She corrected my dressing style, the way I speak with people and I started doing hair styles after she came to my life. Interestingly I had a baddy in our relationship, none other than her uncle’s son whom she supposed to marry, also a student in my college. Our story reached her home. By birth I am Christian and she was a Hindu Brahmin so she was forced to leave me. She never spoke to me after the trouble in her home. It was affecting big time for me in my college. But since I was prepared to loose things in my whole life I was able to cross the difficulties.

Well my third love lasted for four long years and she was special for me all times. Why do I love her! Its simple she was the first girl in my life who started loving me even before I saw her for the first time. It all happened in the college band where I used to sing songs for my folks. I used to join them just to forget Suganya. She loved my troubled life and wanted to speak with me big times. She reached me in my Mathematics classes as her major was Math’s. Well this time I can’t compare this girl with my mom or I can’t imagine this love in comparison with my mom’s love. Reason she was the one who transformed me from a boy to a man. She was always having upper hand in our relationship and I respected her very much. I learned a lot from her and really started to grow up mentally. Sometimes with her I feel that I can achieve many things in my life. I also can have normal life like others. This girl was really interesting, she taught me was “what ever you want in your life you should earn it”. This happened for the first time I tried to kiss her, we went to a beach I was so excited so that I reached her to kiss her for the first time. She just hesitated and asked me if you really think that you have earned my kiss then you can go ahead. What a question I understood that there are many things in life I should learn. Obviously I showered all my love on her in the coming days. Started earning respect form fellow students and got good reputation in college. Just for the sake of being in light I did many things in my college from games to competition my name was their in all the list.

It was winter evening and a special day for my department as we conducted intercollegiate competition. I was the organizer and the function was a great success. She saw me getting appreciated by all the delegates and all the people present their. It was dark by the time we finished all the work and rapped up the function. She stayed with me all the day and we both were walking to college park for sometime. She said you earned my kiss and she kissed me. A feeling which I will never forget in my life. I saw gentle tears in her eyes which melted my heart completely. That’s why I told in the beginning of my third love that I can’t compare this love with my mom’s. Our relation grew stronger and it was big time to enter the IIT a dream of many students who want to make it big in life. She was my strength at that point of my life. Her love gave me everything at that point of life. I got my ticket to IIT. It will be just two years I complete my studies to work. I never know that I will loose her in my life and my focus was on my college as I thought she will be with me always. But she knows that she will never be able to live with me. She taught that I earned her completely with my love to her. I don’t shy to say that I slept with her for sometimes. I thought that she want to leave with me for rest of my life. But that was not going to happen and that fine day came when she explained that “we both can’t continue from here and I am going to start a new life with someone else. My life was destined like this, what ever happened between us was true and I loved you each second. But life is lot bigger than you think “and finally those golden words “you earned every single bit of me but not my life”.

Another failure in my life what am I going to do and do you know what this world is filled with girls. Every time I see one of them I hate them from my heart. But not very long till I saw this girl called Subha. A traditional girl very composed to her self. This time I am the bad guy it all started with a bet with my friends. The bet was I should make her like me with my charm. It never happened. I tried everything from my book. It never happened, at some point of time I thought she will fall for me but she was aware that a single chance will make her fall for me. So she was strong to throw me away from her life. We went for a trip and I thought this is my last chance. So I geared up myself for all the heroic acts which I am going to do in trip. But as I was preparing myself, she was preparing on the other side to avoid me. All my acts in that tour were in vein. At one instance she indirectly told me that you can’t even touch my feet. A complete mess alongside a lost bet. I was preparing for another failure.

Wait who was that, her name was Manju she was admiring me from behind in that same trip. I never knew such a person exists. I got the information that she is my junior and first year student. She gifted me an expensive gift as a token of her love. Two girls to think at same point of time and it was interesting as I was no more a simple person to think of values and principle. I just decided to take what ever life is going to offer me. I started to continue with Manju after the trip. She made me to forget subha. She was from a rich family and she knows only one thing to keep our relationship intact gifting me expensive things and dresses. I still enjoyed her company as I crossed all sort of relationship in my life. I know that she won’t long last in my life so never cared what was happening in out life. Went dating to many places in the five months we were together and rest of the things happened between us was same old story. She was caught in her home and was forced to leave me. This time I was not at all worried and I thanked her for what all she has done for me. Well I completed my studies. I got placed in a good company and they asked me to move to a new city where I should work for them.

What was waiting in my life was still shocking. I saw that girl near a college near my apartment , thought that she was a student. Saw her daily standing their and thought of speaking to her which happened when it was raining one day. I was waiting for my company’s bus she came to the bus shelter were I used to wait daily. She was on her mid twenties and very attractive. I just said hi and then she smiled. The next day I started speaking to her and asked her what she was doing, she told that she was searching for job. I told her that I can help her to find a job. She asked me whether I can have coffee with her some time. I dint hesitate and called her next day itself to near by coffee shop. That’s where I came to know that she was a flesh trader. She told me that the craze of living luxurious life have made her to sleep with rich people. She always targeted people who work in IT companies. She told that her name is Jenifer. That’s how she targeted me also. But do you know what did I asked her “ I am more or less like you only so ill give you a good life if you wish to give your present life and if you are ready to marry me”. I had no control on my life and no one was there to control my life so all my decisions was situational. I never thought why I asked her to marry me. The same day I invited her to my room and I slept with her also! Alas this time it was not because of a love. The next morning I woke up to see her vanish and when I called her she told that “for the first time in my life I slept with a guy not for money but I loved him very much. But I can’t marry you as I don’t want to spoil your life”.

By this time you should have thought my life was a lost one. But I still continued to live with all this incidents in my life. All my life I was searching for love which I never got from my family. I had relationship with many girls in order to find that perfect companion.

But what I failed to understand that is life has more to offer for us. I never had a good friend who would have been a nice brother to me. I never respected any elder ones who would have been like my father. I never respected any girl so that I would got a sister. I never understood life in a simple way. I always complicated things around me. Even though I studied a lot and started earning a lot, I never tried to learn my life and have a simple principle for me. I got carried away by all my initial loses, but never saw people whose life was worst that me.

Anita,........., Subha, Manju, Jenifer all were part of my life. I loved all of them sometimes I will think that how can a single heart love so many times and different types of girls. But our mind never ends up with one thing when we see better opportunities we try to grab that instead of following our values that‘s what I have been doing all these time. These few people changed me from a boy to man. Made me to earn things and earn my reputation. They gave me what I don’t have and thought me what I lacked. But no one is with me to walk along to the end of my life.